When a funeral ends, it marks the beginning of the mourning period. During this time, prayers will be performed to continue supporting the departed’s soul on its journey to reincarnation and to honour and remember them for the life they lived. To properly honour the departed, several practices must be avoided during the mourning period.
Understanding the Mourning Period
The mourning period is meant to be a time to grieve for the family’s loss on their terms. Traditionally, the mourning period lasted three years, but cultural shifts in Singapore have now made 49-day or 100-day mourning periods the norm. These are often considered individual (or family) choices that allow families sufficient time and solitude to mourn the loss of the departed, reflect on their life, and come to terms with their passing before moving forward.
Grief manifests in various ways, after all, and the mourning period is meant to allow families to cherish the memory of the deceased. It also gives the bereaved time for their emotions to stabilise, allowing them to accept and internalise their grief in a healthy, meaningful way that helps them move on with their lives.
The rituals performed during this time will also guide the departed’s soul’s transition to its next rebirth. A combination of prayers and offerings will help ease the soul’s suffering and prevent obstructions, allowing it to reach the next phase of existence. A special prayer ceremony is held every week, as the deceased is said to be judged at these specific intervals before they can move on to the next phase of their journey.
Common Things to Avoid After a Buddhist or Taoist Funeral
Avoid Trimming Nails or Hair
According to cultural beliefs, our body is a gift from our parents to us and should not simply be altered in any shape or form. As such, if your parent (or a relative’s or close friend’s) recently passed away, you should show your respect to them by not trimming your nails or hair until the mourning period finally concludes.
Avoid Speaking Ill of the Deceased
It has long been established that you do not speak ill of the departed, more so during the mourning period when the soul is still embarking on its journey to a new rebirth. Any negativity about the deceased will have karmic consequences, not just for the deceased’s soul but also for the grieving family. It is best to focus on the positives, such as the deceased’s acts of kindness, instead to prevent such unpleasant consequences.
Avoid Attending/Hosting Celebrations or Joyous Events
The grieving family will generally refrain from hosting or participating in any celebratory or entertainment events during the mourning period, as it may seem disrespectful to the deceased. As the soul of the departed is still transitioning to the next phase, all distractions from the family’s grief should be minimised, with priority given towards prayers for the soul, cherishing the memory of the deceased, and accepting grief.
Avoid Immediate Participation in Major Life Events
The bereaved should also not attend any significant life events, such as a baby shower, a friend’s graduation, or a family member’s business’s grand opening, for similar reasons as stated above. Part of this is also because the grieving family may carry substantial Yin (grief) energy during the mourning period, which could be passed on to others as bad luck.
However, if a child of the deceased is planning to get married, they will need to either hold the wedding within the mourning period or postpone it until after the first anniversary of the deceased’s passing. In most cases, it is often postponed to the following year to allow sufficient time to grieve the departed.
Avoid Wearing Bright Colours
Equally important is that the bereaved should wear subdued tones such as white, black, grey, and other darker hues. White is typically worn during the mourning period, as it represents purity and the cycle of rebirth, but other darker or neutral colours are still allowed. Brighter, warmer colours like red and yellow tend to convey more optimistic, lively symbolism, which should be avoided during this delicate time of quiet mourning and reflection. There may also be some variation with this custom across different dialect groups.
Avoid Certain Religious Visits
There may also be additional religious restrictions to observe. For example, if the Lunar New Year falls during the mourning period, the grieving family is not allowed to host any celebrations at their home or visit others at their respective homes. It is acceptable to receive guests, but any proceedings should remain solemn and respectful to honour the departed.
Avoid Missing Mourning Rituals
As part of the mourning period, the grieving family will recite prayers at regular intervals on the 7th, 14th, 21st, 49th, and 100th days to help ensure the deceased transitions smoothly to their next life. Missing these prayers, ceremonies, and rituals can be detrimental to the deceased’s soul, so these should not be missed at all.
The final day of the mourning period typically involves a memorial ceremony held at home, the columbarium, or the cemetery. It aims to commemorate the successful transition of the deceased’s soul to their next life and mark the grieving family’s return to normal activities, while still cherishing the memory of the departed in their daily lives.
If you need to arrange a Buddhist or Taoist funeral, please do not hesitate to contact Affinity Funeral Service for further assistance.